Notice from the CDC
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!
This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, October 20, 2008
If one wants to climb the corporate ladder quickly, he or she needs to be seen, heard and recognized for performance firstly by employers. For that you need to sell yourself to all kinds of people – employers, clients, and colleagues.
By marketing yourself well, you are promoting your skills and showing others what you are capable of. Here’s how to market your self:
Speak up in meetings: Contributing during meetings is a great way to sell your self and to get on the radar of the higher ups. Make sure you get credit where credit is deserved. Ascertain that your reports indicate you have taken all the efforts behind the project.
Stroll around for a few minutes everyday. Take a few minutes to take a round and greet all the people you know with a simple and exchange pleasantries. Volunteer to lead: Take the initiative to take charge of a project. Or accept a leadership position within a project.
Mediate a conflict: This will display your leadership management skills. Give your best performance: Vie for the employee of the month/quarter award if any in your company. It is the best way to expose your talent to the higher-ups.
Stay updated: Read industry publications, reports/magazines etc. Your colleagues will look up to you for advice and information and talk positively about you to others. This is sure to give you good third party publicity. Get to know people in other parts of the company. Nominate yourself for projects that will get you to interact with colleagues from other departments.
Volunteer to work on a project/task that others have rejected or have failed at. Succeeding where others have failed is a fantastic way to sell your self.Participate in extra-curricular activities. This will show off your talent in areas other than work, your all round personality and your sportsman spirit.
Expose your name: Contribute to your organization’s news letter/website/journal. Top executives read company publication, so you will be able to increase your personal PR as well as establish yourself as a leader in your area. So remember never shy away from promoting yourself. It can greatly improve your chances of getting ahead. ‘Promoting’ must not mean sycophancy but with contributory performance.
The above needs a positive body language as well. The first step towards impressing boss, colleagues or clients is to use the right body language. Studies on the subject show that 55 percent of all communication is non verbal. So here are some pointers to make an impact without words:
Comfort matters: When seated and discussing with colleagues, see that no part of your body is getting strained you are not facing a bright light sources and your hands are rested on your lap. While you don’t have to be at attention at all times, don’t slouch either.
Positive mannerism: It is always best to adopt mannerisms and actions that give off positive vibes. Show that you are responsive by leaning slightly toward the speaker, keep your arms open and nod from time to time. A smile can go a long way.
Psychologists refer to the habit of copying another person’s posture, pace of speech etc as mirroring. If done unobtrusively, mirroring a colleague when you are speaking with him/her can establish a connection or bond of liking and respect which can then be built upon.
It is all in the eyes: A person who avoids eye contact could be considered suspicious and dishonest. However, be sure to avert your gaze from time to time to avoid staring which can make the opposite person uncomfortable. Be very conscious of your body language and while it may not come to you immediately, practicing the above tips will help you make a good impression at work.
Posted by Venkat at 8:26 PM
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Sapna, Ramesh, Steve, Meera, Matthew, Vikas and so many others in the organization complained of work pressure, unachievable targets, peer pressure, time management and loss of work life balance. Despite working hard, their performance was going down and impacting organization’s bottom line.
Who is to blame for poor performance of employees and business? Ask line managers; they blame it on HR for poor hiring. Ask HR; they blame it on line managers for poor management skills. Ask me, I would say, the Axe???? Now you will ask what (the hell) an Axe has to do in performance management business? Let me tell you a small story…
Once upon a time, a very strong woodcutter asked for a job to a timber merchant, and he got it. The pay was good and so were the working conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best. His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work. The first day, the woodcutter brought 18 trees “Congratulations,” the boss said. “Carry on that way!”.
Very motivated with the boss’s words, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he could bring only 15 trees. The third day he tried even harder, but could bring 10 trees only. Day after day he was bringing less and less trees. “I must be losing my strength”, the woodcutter thought.
He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on. “When was the last time you sharpened your Axe?” the boss asked. “Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my Axe. I have been very busy trying to cut more trees for you.”
Yes, the ‘Axe’ has a lot to do in a performance management business. This “Axe” for better performance is an employee’s competencies and skills. In any organization the call to sharpen the Axe needs be taken by HR.
Ask yourself a question “Are employees working hard without proportionate results?”. If the answer is yes, then probably, it is time to examine your employee’s ‘Axe” and sharpen it. In highly competitive business environment, the gap between existing capabilities of employee and required capabilities to compete in the market place widens much faster. A business that cannot bridge these gaps gets wiped off (lot of examples are there).
What to do?
Step 1: Finding Blunt Areas
Like the supervisor in the story, you need to have an evaluation mechanism that can find the skill and competencies gaps in your workforce. This evaluation can be done by streamlining your performance management system so that it could provide better data on skill and competency gaps. These competency gaps extracted as output of Performance Management System should be used to design training and development programs.
Step 2: Sharpening Your Axe
Well-designed training programs (which are focused on developing skills and competencies necessary for a specific job) help you improve employees’ erformance significantly and relieve them from work pressure. You can be gin by identifying the training needs, managing course ware, co-coordinate with faculties, manage training facilities and obtain feed back from your trainees & their managers about the effectiveness of the program. For mid to large organizations, it is possible only if your HR is equipped with a Training Management tool that can keep the Axe sharpened all the while.
Posted by Venkat at 9:14 PM
On top of a hill overlooking a babbling brook stood a dilapidated stone well. The wooden frame which had once been used to raise water was broken and a discarded bucket sat on the ground nearby. The only thing that made this old well special was a small tarnished plaque that carried a three word inscription which read 'The Wishing Well'.
One morning a young man named Richard came upon the well and read the small plaque. Richard was a cynical young man and he scoffed at the idea of a wishing well. However, he was also very greedy so he closed his eyes and wished for a large pot of gold…just in case. He opened his eyes and looked around but nothing had changed.
As he prepared to leave, Richard happened to glance down into the well and to his amazement he saw a huge pot of gold floating at the bottom of the well. He immediately tried to reach down into the well but he could not reach the gold. Next he tried to use a piece of wood to retrieve the gold but again he had no luck. After many frustrating attempts, Richard finally gave up. He cursed the wishing well and walked away. Instantly the pot of gold disappeared.
The following day a young man named William came across the well and he too read the small plaque that identified it as 'The Wishing Well'. What William wanted more than anything else that morning was an engagement ring so that he could propose to his sweetheart Rebecca. He closed his eyes and made his wish. At first he saw nothing, but then as he glanced down into the well he saw the most beautiful diamond ring floating in an ebony box at the bottom of the well. Like Richard, William first tried to reach down into the well and then tried to use a nearby piece of wood - all to no avail.
After a great deal of frustration, he sat back and reviewed his situation. Then suddenly, in a flash of inspiration he knew what he had to do. He picked up the old bucket and walked down to the babbling brook at the base of the hill. After filling the bucket with water, he walked back up the hill and poured the water into the well. To his delight, he noticed that the level of the water in the well rose ever so slightly.
With a hint of success to spur him on, William began transferring bucket loads of water from the brook to the well. He worked steadily all day carrying buckets of water up to the wishing well. With each bucket of water he poured into the well, the ring floated closer to the surface. Finally as the sun was beginning to set, William poured in another bucket of water and the ring came within his reach. He grasped the stunning diamond ring and with a spring in his step he set off to propose to his Rebecca.
The best part about this story is that the Wishing Well really does exist and is available to each and every one of us. Whenever you set a goal, your objective instantly becomes a 'possibility'. It is as though it appears in the bottom of the wishing well. You can see it, but it is beyond your reach. Many people like Richard look for a quick and easy way to reach their goal but they inevitably get frustrated and walk away.
Those who achieve true success understand how life's Wishing Well works. Like William, they recognize that they must put in the time and effort to fill their well before they can collect their prize.
Today I'd like to encourage you to decide what you really want from life's wishing well and commit yourself to the process of filling your well in order to transform your dreams into reality.
Posted by Venkat at 9:11 PM
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.
2. Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a 5 day test match.
3. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through 'the minds of either'.
4. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
5. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in? Such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.
6. Tears: The hydraulic force by which the masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
7. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage and success before work.
8. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everyone disagrees later on.
9. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
10. Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.
11. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
12. Office: A place where you can relax from the strenuous home life.
13. Yawn: The only time some married men get to open their mouth.
14. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
15. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
16. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
17. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Regards,VenkatWhen somebody criticizes you don't worry, Stones are generally thrown only at tree full of fruits.
No person was ever honoured for wat they received but honoured & rewarded for wat they gave.
Posted by Venkat at 10:03 AM
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
We will do it"
" You will do it"
"You have done a great job"
"More work to be given to you"
"We are working on it"
"We have not yet started working on the same"
"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".
"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
"There was a slight miscommunication"
"We had actually lied"
"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
"I have no time now, will talk later"
"We can always do it"
"We actually cannot do the same on time"
"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
"We had slight differences of opinion"
"We had actually fought"
"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
"You should have told me earlier"
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
"We need to find out the real reason"
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"
"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
"Well you know..."
"We are a team"
"I am not the only one to be blamed"
"That's actually a good question"
"I do not know anything about it"
"All the Best"
" You are in trouble"
Posted by Venkat at 11:08 AM
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
And you thought your vocabulary was good? Try these words on for size.
The word consists of 27 letters. This word appeared in the script of Shakespeare titled â€œLove's Labour's Lostâ€, which means â€œinvincible glorious.â€
The word consists of 28 letters. This word means â€œopposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church, esp. the Anglican Church in 19th-century Englandâ€ as explained in Dictionary.com. It has been quoted once by the British Prime Minister, William Ewart Gladstone, 1809- 1898.
The word comprises of 29 letters. It means â€œact or habit to deny the value of some particular things.â€
The word comprises of 34 letters. This word appeared in a movie called â€œMarry Poppinsâ€, which means â€œgood.â€
The word consists of 42 letters. It appears in the â€œMedical Dictionaryâ€ edited by Gao De as a surgical terminology, which refers to indirect artificial tube surgery between the intestine and gallbladder or in the gallbladder and bile duct.
The word comprises of 45 letters. It appears in the eighth edition of Webster dictionary, which means â€œpneumoconiosis disease caused by inhaling small particles of quartzite.â€ Miners are particularly vulnerable to this disease.
7. Antipericatametaanaparcircum -
volutiorectumgustpoops of the Coprofied
The word consists of 50 letters. There is a display of one French writer's ancient story in a library shelf, with this long English word as its book title.
8. Osseocaynisanguineovisceri -
The word consists of 51 letters. This is a terminology related to anatomy. It appeared in a novel called â€œHeadlong Hallâ€ written by an English writer, 1785-1866.
9. Aequeosalinocalcalinoceraceoa -
The word consists of 52 letters. This word was invented by the British Medical author, Dr. Edward Strother, 1675-1737. It is used to refer to the composition of mineral water found in England.
The word of consists of 100 letters. It appeared in the book titled â€œFinnegan wakeâ€ written by Irish author, Andean James Joyce, 1882- 1942. This word refers to the downfall of Adam and Eve.
The word consists of 182 letters. This English word is derived from the Greece word, originating from the drama script of comedy titled â€œecclesiazusaeâ€ written by a Greek writer, Aristophanes, 448- 385. It refers to spicy foods that cooked from the remaining vegetables and beef.
12. This word is terribly long in its length as it comprises of 1913 letters as follow:
The above word refers to "Tryptophan synthase a protein", a chemical name for a substance that contains 267 kinds of amino acid enzymes.
Posted by Venkat at 9:50 AM
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
May find this interesting!
During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way. 2. Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan : 3. This was the scenario.... ......... ...
The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns. Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution. But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.
The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision.In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.
As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such adecision because elections are at hand.The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.
The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting! PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing thenation.Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00 AM. Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, thenuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight. The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA .The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree. Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity" , "anti-nuclear" activists come out against theGovernment' s decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organized. In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".
On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.A missile (smuggled from US A) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia. Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad . The missile hits the target and creates havoc.Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits. Thus India never gets to launch the missile. Pakistan never gets it right. And both live happily ever after!!!!
Posted by Venkat at 10:42 AM
Thursday, January 10, 2008
un-believable but true :
The Tata Rs 1-lakh car is here! And it's called the Nano!
Tata Group chairman Ratan Tata on Thursday unveiled the Tata Nano at the 9th Auto Expo in New Delhi.
click on the link to know more about the story.
Posted by Venkat at 12:30 PM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
a virus is spreading rapidly to infect the PC's thru msn messenger.
new variant of MSN Worm began spreading via MSN Messenger. It sends out the .zip file "IMG-XXXX.zip" (XXXX is random digitals), such as IMG-0356.zip, IMG-7755.zip, IMG-7960.zip, IMG-8530.zip. In the .zip file, it contains a .com file "img0794-www.photoupload.com". Be careful please.
be aware and read more about the virus.
amd see how to remove them
Posted by Venkat at 4:29 PM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER
Moral: When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.
Posted by Venkat at 11:09 AM
Monday, August 13, 2007
Top 20 OxyMorons
20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works
Posted by Venkat at 1:01 PM
Friday, August 10, 2007
An amateur video of an amazing animal confrontation on the African savannah is fast becoming one of the biggest hits on video-sharing website YouTube.
Posted by Venkat at 1:57 PM
Friday, August 03, 2007
HUMOROUS HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES
[A circular was found in one of the office notice boards]
Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm. __________________________________________________________________________________________
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Posted by Venkat at 4:04 PM
Thursday, July 12, 2007
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his
5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
the man said angrily.
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour."
SON: "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?"
The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you
can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then
you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about
why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little
boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to
think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that
Rs.50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to
the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier" said the
"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the
Rs.50 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry
again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up
at his father.
"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.
"Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he
begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We
should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some
time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.
Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someonewho l oves you.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace us in a matter of days.
But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the
rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than to our family.
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes
all the difference
Posted by Venkat at 9:06 AM