(Both) side effect ...

Looking good from both sides....

IT professionals after DEATH

H E I G H T S

1 What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip

2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of Activelaziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

5. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.

7. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

8. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

9. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

10. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder

Lighter moments

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.


Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.


Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone


Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile


Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

Could you give me ......

Could you give me ......

"Hello, could you give me condom?" My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me."

The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he turns to the pharmacist and says:

"You'd better give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says:

"Actually, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she suggested the dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying:

"Dear Lord, bless this dinner."

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."

Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, with his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more so than the others. She gets close to her boyfriend and tells him in his ear:

"I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies: "I didn't know your dad was the pharmacist!"

Funny Head images

Consuming MILK is dangerous

do we need to drink milk..?
http://www.all-creatures.org/health/dontdrink.html

What is B.E?

8 semesters are there
80GB syllabus 80MB we study
80KB we remember
80 Bytes we answer BINARY marks we get,
. . . . . . . .. . The Degree finally we get is B.E. That is Brain Empty (B.E)
(And then they recruit !!)

Jokes for laugh

short form George Bush=George and Condaliza Rice=Condi.)
George & Condi

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get
me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone

Little johnny

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development."

At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, to get up and leave the class room"
Everybody agreed to this plan.
Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anna" Anna: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita!
Yes Koosie!" Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory
My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home"

Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks: "Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home."
Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel"

As all the young ladies get up and proceed to leave,
Little Johnny says, "Hey relax you little whores, it hasnt opened yet."

MOTHER OF THE YEAR

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.
The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.
After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veter inarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans" that could be found quickly, were a litter of weaner pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger
Would they become cubs or pork chops?????????????
Take a look........ you won't believe your eyes!!!!

WEDDING INVITATION OF ELECTRONICS ENGINEER.

You are electronically invited on the marriage occasion of
Mr. TRANSISTOR BC107,
(working as amplifier in "CE" configuration)
With
Miss. DIODE 2N2222,
(working as a rectifier in Electronic Circuits)
The only Daughter of Mr & Mrs. Aluminium and Phosphorous
MUHURTAM April 30, 2K6 @ 10-45 Amplitude Modulation
VENUE At Peizo Electric Palace, Near Wein Bridge, Nyquist criterion Road-2,
Electricity -508085.
Yours inductively
Mr&Mrs. EDC PDC,
Near P-N Junction, IC Road, Zener breakdown.
With BEST COMPLIMENTS FROM,
Inductor, Resistor, Capacitor, Transformer Near & Dear
Note: Musical Night By Motors and Generators
Bus Route: Address bus 0x001h, Data bus 0x07Bh

Cricket quiz

If every player is out on first ball in cricket. I.e. fist batsman
out on first ball ,second batsman out on second ball and so on Which
batsman will remain not out if there 11 players?

mail me the answer . misterraj@gmail.com

The software development cycle:

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 three times.

6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

7. Users find 137 new bugs.

8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

4 - stages in life

Nice one

The Hindu Top 10 Headlines dated 1.1.2020



1. ' President' Sonia and 'Prime Minister' Priyanka receive the italy Prime Minister at the airport.



2. SDMK ( Stalin DMK ) Leader Stalin Seeks Chief Minister Dayanidhi Maran's resignation .



3. This is My last film - Rajnikanth



4. " Maruthanayakam " - Shooting will be started soon - Kamal Hasan



5. I will enter the Indian Team soon - Ganguly



6. Indian Cricket Team hoping to win a away Test Match after 1985 in England Tour on February - Indian Cricket Captain



7. 'God Father " Movie will be released this May



8. Cauvery Issue will be settled soon - Prime Minister of India 'Priyanka'



9. Aishwarya Rai marriage is on coming July with Abishek Bachan Son ' Mubishek '



10. India - Pakistan PMs meeting Scheduled on Jan 25th to settle the Kashmir Issue

silly ad

he following are ads that appeared in a newspaper over a period of four days - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY:
For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!

Programmer and a Engineer

Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an air plane.

The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game.The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.

The Programmer persists and explains that it’s a real easy game. He explains,”I ask a question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.”

Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “O.K., if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don’t know the answer I pay you $50! “

Now, that got the Engineer’s attention, so he agrees to the game.The Programmer asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”Then Engineer doesn’t say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

Now, its the Engineer’s turn. He asks the Programmer,”What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?”

The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, “Well what’s the answer to the question?”

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep

Choosing a lawyer

A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.

At the first lawyer's office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, "Okay, let's get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?"

The lawyer raised his eyebrows. "two plus two is four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, "How much is two plus two?"

The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. "According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The third lawyer sat behind a big mahogany desk, and smoked a cigar. He seemed rather self-important as compared to the other two, but at the same time appeared to be much more successful. The businessman again announced, "I would like you to answer a very important question for me, before I decide whether I should use your services. How much is two plus two?"

The lawyer pulled the shades, locked the door to his office, and asked in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"