He ha ha

An Irishman had just had his first computer installed at home.

One day, while his neighbor Pat was working in the front yard next door, Mike walks out of his house and down the street to the post office. Shortly after, he comes walking back with an angry look on his face, goes in and slams his door.

A few minutes pass and the routine is repeated, except that he returns more obviously upset than before. This is repeated three times before Pat stops Mike and asks him if anything is wrong.

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"Begorah and there is," he exclaims. "My f**cking computer keeps saying YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

LJ - stay away

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Have their parents
tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a
pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over
enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and
a survival knife."

She drank the whiskey on the way down to calm herself and then her
parachute landed right in the middle of twenty members of the enemy
troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of
bullets, killed four more with the knife until the blade broke, and then
she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your
daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"

playing mummy daddy

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.

She says, "Put that away Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."

Little Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."
Trying to placate him, she says, "Okay, I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"

He says, "I wanna play Mommy and Daddy."

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"

Little Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down."
Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs.

Little Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers' old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.
His mother raises up and says,

"What do I do now?"

In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says, "Get downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"

keeping a promise

Teacher; Didn't you promise to behave?

Little Johnny: Yes, sir.

Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?

Little Johnny: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.

how to refuse eating

Little Johnny refused to eat.
So his mother, in desperation, took him to the psychiatrist, who tried many methods, to no avail. The psychiatrist asked, "What would you like to eat?"

"Worms" Little Johnny said.
The psychiatrist was gleeful as he sent his nurse for cupful. Placing them on a plate, he said, "Here they are."

"I want them fried" was the response.

The nurse took them and had them fried. When presented with them, Little Johnny replied that he only desired one.

The psychiatrist took one and in a strong voice said, "Here is only one. Now eat it."

"I only want half and you eat the other" was the reply.

The psychiatrist swallowed one half and gave the other to Little Johnny. Just then Little Johnny began to cry.

The doctor asked what was wrong.
Little Johnny said, "You ate my half!"

In a mexican school

There's this school down in South Texas where there are very few white kids, mostly all Mexican. The teacher was asking for the kids to identify famous quotes.

She asked, "Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country'?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, but she calls on Maria, who answers, "John F Kennedy."

Then, she asks "Who said, 'I have a dream...'?"

Little Johnny raises his hands, both of them, and waves them around, but she calls on Juan, who says, "Martin Luther King."

This continues with quotes from Winston Churchill and other notable historians. Finally, the bell rings, and in the confusion and noise of the kids leaving the classroom, a voice from the back of the room yells, "To hell with all those Mexicans."

The teacher hollers out, "Who said that!"

Little Johnny puts up his hand and replies, "Davy Crockett, at the Alamo."

Johnny as new driver

Johnny has just received his driver's license. His family goes out to the driveway and climbs into the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the backseat, directly behind the new driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," replies his father, "I'm going to sit here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years!"

L:J

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

Lil johnny

Doing badly in math

Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything, tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short everything that they could think of.

Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Johnny down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Johnny comes home with a very serious look on his face.

He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books and paper are spread out all over the room & Little Johnny is hard at work.

His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner & to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for some time, day after day while the Mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, Little Johnny brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table & goes up to his room and hits the books.

With great trepidation, his mom looks at it & to her surprise, Little Johnny got an A in Math.

She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room & says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" little Johnny looks at her and shakes his head no.

"Well then," She asks "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it??"

Little Johnny looks at her and say "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Interesting titles

click on the pics to enlarge..

Number Magic

The numbers we all use (1, 2, 3, 4, etc.) are known as "arabic" numbers to distinguish them from the "Roman Numerals" (I, II, III, IV, V, VI, etc). Actually the arabs popularized these numbers but they were originally used by the early phonecian traders to count and keep track of their trading accounts. Have you ever thought why ........ 1 means "one", and 2 means "two"? The roman numerals are easy to understand but what was the logic behind the phonecian numbers?
It's all about angles !It's the number of angles. If one writes the numbers down (see below) on a piece of paper in their older forms, one quickly sees why. I have marked the angles with "o"s

IIM-B grad turns down Rs 1-cr job

This is a unique story of a budding corporate professional, for whom music means more than money. That is precisely what 25-year-old IIM-Bangalore graduate Manasi Prasad has done when she decided to turn down a Rs 1-crore job offer from a US investment bank to pursue a career in music.
As a student of IIM-Bangalore, Manasi did her summer internship programme with Goldman Sachs in New York. Last November, the investment bank got back to her with a lucrative job offer with a Rs 1 crore pay package.

read the whole story :

http://sify.com/news/fullstory.php?id=14394801

Abdul Kalam

Born on 15th October, 1931 at Rameshwaram in Tamilnadu, Bharat Ratna Avul Pakir Jainulabdeen Abdul Kalam assumes the office of the President of the Republic of India on July 25, 2002.

From a humble beginning, Dr. Kalam had an unparalleled career as an Aerospace and Defence Scientist, leading the nation with a vision of "Developed India." Dr. Kalam as an eminent Aeronautical Engineer, contributed for the development of India’s first Satellite launch vehicle SLV III, became the architect of Indian Guided Missile development programme, led to the successful Nuclear experiments and envisioned a road map for realising "Developed India" within 20 years.

A graduate from the St. Joseph’s College, Tiruchirapalli, Abdul Kalam later studied aeronautical engineering in the Madras Institute of Technology which was regarded as the crown jewel of technical education in Southern India in the fifties. After passing out as a graduate aeronautical engineer, Abdul Kalam joined the Directorate of Technical Development and Production of the Ministry of Defence.

He later joined the Indian Committee for Space Research (INCOSPAR) as a Rocket Engineer, which during the later half of 1962 had decided to set up the Equatorial Rocket Launching Station at Thumba. He became a member of team led by Prof. Vikram Sarabai which aimed at organising an integrated national space programme for the manufacture of rockets and launch vehicles indigenously.

Dr. Abdul Kalam was chosen to lead a team for the design & development of Satellite Launch Vehicle, SLV III which was successfully launched on 18th July, 1980, injecting Rohini satellite into low earth orbit. He later became Director of ISRO Launch Vehicles/Systems and contributed for the evolution of launch vehicle configurations.

Dr. Abdul Kalam was appointed Director of the Defence Research and Development Laboratory, Hyderabad in 1982. As Director, DRDL, he was the Chief of integrated Guided Missile Development Programme and led to successful completion of Prithvi and Agni missiles. He was appointed as the Scientific Advisor to the Defence Minister, Secretary to Department of Defence Research and Development and Director General of Defence Research and Development Organisation in 1992. Many new technology projects towards building self-reliance in defence and also spin-off to society emerged during this period. Later he became the Principal Scientific Advisior to the Government of India in the rank of Cabinet Minister and served in this capacity from November 1999 till November 2001. He was primarily responsible for evolving policies, strategies and missions for generation of innovations in technology development for multiple applications through Government departments, academic institutions and industries as partners. Dr. Kalam was also the Chairman, Ex-officio of the Scientific Advisory Committee to the Cabinet (SAC-C). Dr. Kalam believes that Technology can be used as a tool for national development. In December 2001 he moved over to Anna University as Professor of Technology & Societal Transformation.

Dr. APJ abdul Kalam has been awarded Padma Bhushan in 1981, Padma Vibhushan in 1990 and Bharat Ratna in 1997.

Dr. Kalam was conferred with the degree of Doctor of Science (D.Sc. Honoris-causa) by twenty eight universities. He is the recipient of several awards including the National Design Award. Dr. Biren Roy Space Award; Prof. Y Nayudamma Memorial Gold Medal (1996) : GM Modi Award for Science (1996) : R K Firodia Award for Excellence in S&T (1996) : Veer Savarkar Award (1998) : and Indira Gandhi Award for National integration (1997).

He is a Fellow of many professional societies including Aeronautical Society of India : Astronautical Society ; Indian National Academy of Engineering ; Indian Academy of Sciences and Institution of Electronics and Telecommunication Engineers.

Dr. Kalamn is a connoisseur of classical Carnatic music. He plays veena in his leisure. He writes poetry in Tamil, his mother tongue. Seventeen of his poems were translated into English and published in 1994 as a book entitled "My Journey". He is also the Author of three books in English – "India 2020 : A vision for the New Millennium", "Wings of Fire : an Autobiography" and "Ignited Minds – unleashing the power within India."

Article for the day

Imagine you are at an Airport. While you're waiting for your flight, you notice a kiosk selling cookies. You buy a box, put them in your travelling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your cookies. Finally, you find a seat next to a gentleman.

You reach down into your travelling bag and pull out your box of cookies. As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely.

He stares as you open the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up the cookie and bring it to your mouth. Just then he reaches over and takes one of your cookies from the box, and eats it! You're more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you 're at a loss for words. Not only does he take one cookie, but also he alternates with you. For every one cookie you take, he takes one.

Now, what's your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy? He's got some nerve? Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office? Meanwhile, you both continue eating the cookies until there's just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you. After he's finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves.

You think to yourself, "Did this really happen?" You're left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry. So you go back to the kiosk and buy another box of cookies. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of cookies when you glance down into your travelling bag.

Sitting there in your bag is your original box of cookies - still unopened. Only then do you realize that when you reached d own earlier, you had reached into the other man's bag, and grabbed his box of cookies by mistake. Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant?

You've just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You're seeing things from a new point of view. Is it time to change your point of view?

Many a times, we are clouded by our own instincts and predispositions. These hamper our relationship with our peers, subordinates and superiors. It helps to be non-judgmental and look beyond the obvious .

1000 Hyderbad IT professionals fired!

Read the news:


http://news.moneycontrol.com/india/news/currentaffairs/hyderabadsatyam/1000hyderbaditp/market/stocks/article/267502

All about UNICODE

Ever wonder about that mysterious Content-Type tag? You know, the one you're supposed to put in HTML and you never quite know what it should be?

Did you ever get an email from your friends in Bulgaria with the subject line "???? ?????? ??? ????"?

I've been dismayed to discover just how many software developers aren't really completely up to speed on the mysterious world of character sets, encodings, Unicode, all that stuff. A couple of years ago, a beta tester for FogBUGZ was wondering whether it could handle incoming email in Japanese. Japanese? They have email in Japanese? I had no idea. When I looked closely at the commercial ActiveX control we were using to parse MIME email messages, we discovered it was doing exactly the wrong thing with character sets, so we actually had to write heroic code to undo the wrong conversion it had done and redo it correctly. When I looked into another commercial library, it, too, had a completely broken character code implementation. I corresponded with the developer of that package and he sort of thought they "couldn't do anything about it." Like many programmers, he just wished it would all blow over somehow.

continue reading on ............................

http://www.joelonsoftware.com/articles/Unicode.html

Fevicol Katrina

Funny Indian XBOX 360 Commercial

Funny AD

Do u need a upgrade

for a larger version click on :

Boys - away from Lavendar

Oils 'make male breasts develop'

Products containing lavender oil were cited in all three cases
Using lavender and tea tree oil products can cause young boys to develop breast tissue, a study finds.
Gynaecomastia is rare, and there is often no obvious cause.

But US specialists report in the New England Journal of Medicine that three boys developed the condition after using the oils.

The National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences (NIEHS) team say doctors who see boys should ask about their use of such products.

Oils 'mimicked hormones'

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continue reading on :
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6318043.stm

How many people?

ravi was having a big party. He decided on a technique to get lots of people to come. He invited his five closest friends and said that they could each invite 4 people.
Each of those could invite 3.
Each of those could invite 2.
Each of those could invite 1.
Overall, how many people did ravi invite to his party?

WATS THE NUMBER?

there's a 10 digit no. the 1st digit represents the no. of 0s in the no. the 2nd rpresents the no of 1s in da no. the 3rd represents the no of 2s in the no. & so on .......till the last digit represents the no of 9s in the no..
WATS THE NUMBER?

if u know the answer pls comment them or mail me to misterraj@gmail.com

grading system for guyz..

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:



Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.



Here is a guide to the point system:



SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return withBeer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-10)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Rita (-4)

Rita is a dancer (-6)

Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)



HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the

colours of your favourite team (-10)



A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks

like a concerned __expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Now what chance do you have???





Pass it on to the poor fellas for info & to the gals for a good laugh !