Thursday, August 24, 2006

Contradicting quotes

Actions speak louder than words./The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap./ He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work. (or) Two heads are better than one. / Too
many cooks spoil the broth.

A silent man is a wise one. / A man without words is a man without
thoughts.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. / Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Clothes make the man. / Don't judge a book by its cover. (or) All that
glitters is not gold.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. / Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better. / The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. / Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be. / Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them. / Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. / One man's meat is
another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom. / Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come
all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier./ Two's company; three's a crowd.

The best things in life are free. / You get what you pay for.

It never rains, than it pours. / Lightning never strikes twice in the
same place.

Better to ask the way than to go astray. / Ask no questions and hear no
lies.

Never do evil, that good may come of it. / The end justifies the means.

Variety is the spice of life. / Don't change horses in the middle of a
stream.

There is nothing permanent except change. / There is nothing new under
the sun.

Never too old to learn. / You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Everything comes to him who waits. / He who hesitates is lost

Monday, August 21, 2006

lill marry

car

sunday school

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!
''

The Teacher fainted.

little Johnny

lil johnny

Passing an office building late one night, Little Jhonny saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at Lil' Jhonny.
"What do you want?"

"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Protecting cigarettes in rain.

Lil' Jhonny and his friend are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus.

His friend takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so he takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain.

Lil' Jhonny looks at that and says,
"That's such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?"

"It's a condom," The friend replies.

"Well, where can you buy those?" Lil' Jhonny asks.

"Um... Most people buy them at pharmacies." the friend replies.

So Lil' Jhonny goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter.

"Do you guys sell those condom things?" she asks the pharmacist.

"Why yes we do," the pharmacist says a little confused.
"Do you know what size you need?"

So Lil' Jhonny says,
"Well it's got to fit a Camel."

Sunday, August 20, 2006

GOD Exist

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

Barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

Why do you say that?" asked the customer "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbers shop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair & an un trimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barbershop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point!

God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

Friday, August 18, 2006

angryCoder ENDless!!!

Our super star the ultimate incomparable rajini going to act as a project manager in his next flim so our guys create a punch dialogue for him hw is it?Rajini's advice to all Project Managers
1

Commitment should be there, not commotion, pressure should be there, but should not be panicky, softness should be there, should not shout like this "... On a whole a manager should be a manager, not a damager.You know one thing; Faulty Design document is the root cause for all Bugs". Rajini starts to leave the place but turns once again

2


LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST!!....
"Highly tensioned Project Manager or a lengthy coding Programmer can never complete a project successfully".

World's Greatest Driving Road

Just have a look what they have created in a desert...
The Jebel Hafeet Mountain Road in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) is the greatest driving road in the world. Stretching for 73 miles and climbing nearly 4,000 feet, it boasts 60 corners and a surface so smooth that it would flatter a racetrack. It could easily be described as the eighth wonder of the world, but almost nothing is known about its creation.


The road is cut into the Jebel Hafeet Mountain, the highest peak in the United Arab Emirates, the oil-rich Persian Gulf state. The mountain spans the border with Oman and lies about 90 minutes' drive southeast of the thriving city of Dubai. It looks down upon a dusty, desert landscape that belies a nation of astonishing wealth.

road1

road2

road3

road4

road5

road6

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Joke corner

Finding Jesus

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a
preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water
and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is
almost overcome by the smell of booze. But, he still manages to ask the
drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes,I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and
asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for
a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks
again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the
water again --- but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asked the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found
Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"





50th Wedding Anniversary

A man talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding
anniversary. The friend asked, "What did you do for your 25th?"

He said, "I took my wife to Hawaii."

The friend then asked, "What are you thinking about for your 50th?"

He said, "Well I was thinking of bringing her back."





What happened...

Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.


Full Form of Maths...

Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students



Brotherly Love...

Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him
then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE




15th August...

Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday



Lecture on Sun...

Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!



Coincidence...

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.





What is my Age...

Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is
my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she! is half mad.



God's Residence...

Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God,
are you still in there?'





Ur Name...

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."

Girls are always Forgiven.

Girls are always loved, we thus similingly forgive them no matter how much there mistake cause to us :). Watch out a series of mistake but the Girl always get a green card.

Spring Break Mishap

Spring Break Mishap


J O L L U

sorry this post is one for who understands TAMIL..



Jollu

Laugh for a while....

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Monday, August 14, 2006

S A L A R Y

What I need...
what i need

What i asked my PM for...
what i asked my consultant for


What my HR Promised...
what my hr promised


What i felt it as ...
what i felt it as


What i have got...


what i have got

Sunday, August 13, 2006

populous areas

Heres the list of most populous metropolitan areas in India.

1 Greater Mumbai (Bombay) 19,944,372
2 Delhi 17,753,087
3 Kolkata (Calcutta) 14,681,589
4 Chennai (Madras) 6,957,669
5 Bangalore 6,158,677
6 Hyderabad 6,012,368
7 Ahmedabad 5,080,566
8 Pune 4,863,760
9 Kanpur 3,243,745
10 Surat 3,044,731
11 Jaipur 2,871,522
12 Lucknow 2,769,755
13 Nagpur 2,447,533
14 Patna 2,258,505
15 Indore 1,809,320
16 Bhopal 1,638,774
17 Meerut 1,618,909
18 Vadodara 1,616,221
19 Ludhiana 1,584,743
20 Bhubaneshwar 1,577,016

Friday, August 11, 2006

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

dream big



It is not important how BIG you DREAM, but it is important how LONG you DREAM BIG"

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Geeks and Computers

A software engineer was smoking in office
Gal says, Cant u da warning
"Smoking is injurious to health?"
2 dis da engg says- V bother only abut ERRORS and not WARNINGS!

Happy friendship Day

hapy frndshp day wish's for u...
............(...(`.-``'´´-.´)...)..........12 months of happiness
..............)......--.......--....(...........52 weeks of fun
............./......(o..._...o)....\..........365 days of success
.............\.........(..0..)......./..........8,760 hours of gud health
..........__.`.-._...'='.._.-.´.__.......525,600 minutes of blessings
......./.......'#.'#.,.--.,.#'.#.'....\....
.......\__))..........'#'......... ((__/.....

__xxxxxxxxxxx______xxxxxxxxxx
_xxxxxxxxxxxxxx___xxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
__xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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_______xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
_________xxxxxxxxxxxx
__________xxxxxxxxx
____________xxxxx
_____________xxx
_____________xx
______________x

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Corporate Rules

Rule-1

The Boss is always right.



Rule-2

If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.



Rule-3

Those who work get more work.

Others get pay, perks, and promotions.


Rule-4

Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down".

The more intelligent a person,

The more hardworking a person,

The more committed a person;

The more number of persons are engaged

in pulling that person down.





Rule-5

If you are good, you will get all the work.

If you are really good, you will get out of it.




Rule-6

When the Bosses talk about improving productivity,

They are never talking about themselves.




Rule-7

It doesn't matter what you do,

It only matters what you say you've done

and what you are going to do.




Rule-8

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters

from a kick in the butt.





Rule-9

Don't be irreplaceable.

If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.




Rule-10

The more crap you put up with,

The more crap you are going to get.



Rule-11

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit.

No use being a damn fool about it.





Rule-12

When you don't know what to do,

Walk fast and look worried.






Rule-13

Following the rules will not get the job done.




Rule-14

If it weren't for the last minute,

Nothing would get done.




Rule-15

Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous".




Rule-16

No matter how much you do,

You never do enough.





Rule-17

You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work

you are supposed to be doing.





Rule-18

In order to get a promotion,

You need not necessarily know your job.





Rule-19

In order to get a promotion,

You only need to pretend that you know your job.






Rule-20

The last person that quit or was fired will be

held responsible for everything that goes wrong

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Irony

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.


Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment

Modern day Beggars

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."