% Time 2 Smile %

Not Long after I got contact lenses, I pulled a traffic violator over. As I wrote out a citation, another car whizzed by, blowing dust into my eyes. Tears started streaming down my cheeks. Seeing me in this state, the man I was ticketing said, "If you feel that sorry about giving me a ticket, officer, don't do it."

***

My mother was telling her hairdresser about her bad luck with men, after having just broken off with her boyfriend of five years. "You think that's bad," the hairdresser responded, "I had a customer who just found out her boyfriend was married." "You're kidding!" my mother exclaimed. "How long did it take her to find out?" The hairdresser thought for a minute and began counting on her fingers. "About eight haircuts."

***

My friend, a wallpaper hanger, usually works in solitude in homes while the owners are at their jobs. But one day, hanging paper in a suite of offices, he forgot he wasn't alone. When a piece of paper failed to stick, he let go a string of expletives. Embarrassed, he turned and saw the computer operator, whose office he was papering, staring at him. "Sorry," he muttered. "That's paper-hanging talk." "Don't worry about it, honey," she replied. "It's computer talk too."