Techsupport vs Funny Customers

1)Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

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2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."

Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

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3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer:: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

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4) Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support:: ?!%#$

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5) Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer:: "A white one."

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7) Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

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8) Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."

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9) Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

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10) Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."

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11) Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

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12) Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

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13) Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

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14) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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15) Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know whe! n it's ready?"

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16) A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me
the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS.

Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give
you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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17) Customer care officer: I need a product identification no: right
now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Consultants

One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk.
They were old buddies from Engg College, and they were together for a college reunion...

For no apparent reason, they went into this zoo and passed a monkey. Being in the same business and from the same college, there was a little bit of a peer competition going on between them - they couldn't resist testing themselves against each other.- especially the Infosys guy.

He said to the others: "Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?
" Why not, said the other two.

The Infoscion said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".
By mutual agreement, the Infoscion took the first turn.

Being a pure logical strategist, the Infoscion tried to make the monkey laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still.
As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... no good, the monkey stayed put...
Now, comes the TCS guy... being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him.

The other two were astonished.

How did this TCS guy manage to beat them? No way were they going to accept defeat so easily.
So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!" So there they went again, applying the same methods as before.

The Infosys guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again...
Then, the TCS guy whispered something into the monkey's ear and lo! It started crying, patting the TCS er's shoulder!
The other two just could not believe their eyes!

So the Infoscion said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".

And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.
The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still no go.
So... here comes TCS guy, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death!

The other two surrendered. Said they: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.

"Well", said the TCS
"The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for TCS.
The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid...so it started crying.
And then I told that I was here for recruitment!!!

Back to Santa

I
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?


Santa: Ji aap hi NE bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am


II
Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein dus ve number pe tha

III

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

IV



Santa: If I die will u remarry?
Jeeto: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with ur sister

V

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo Maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

VI

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!

Santa: Why don't u cook something else.


VII

Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?

Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM


VIII

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar NE poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.

Todays Quote

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."

Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
German-American physicist

A Software Engineer in Jail

Think if software Engineer in Jail
What he do in spare time :)

Wow

Forgiving or punishing
the terrorists
is left to God.



But,

fixing their appointment
with God
is our responsibility


- Indian Army


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Updated for S/w industry



Forgiving or punishing
the Developer
is left to Manager.


But,
fixing their appointment
with Manager
is our responsibility

-Tester

Where are you in this?

Dog - Cat and a Rat

wanna wear any of these T-shirt ?

Employee of the Year

Real Time Circus'ing

34 - Sardar Jokes

ONE
Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Frnd: Y?
Srdr: Got upper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnge?
Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchnge in the lower berth..

TWO
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b
there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there

THREE
A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a A/C. After seeing the Form He had gone
to DELHI for filling up.
U know y?
FORM say " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

FOUR
A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
. . . .. . . . . . . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.

FIVE
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women
gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

SIX
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

SEVEN
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED&RETIRED!

EIGHT
19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF
19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...

NINE
A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral
function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

TEN
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

ELEVEN
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the
branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

TWELVE
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.................
WHY?
because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=

THIRTEEN
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as
to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

FOURTEEN
SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF - I SARDAR , SHE
SARDARNEE , THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....

FIFTEEN
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

SIXTEEN
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

SEVENTEEN
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa

EIGHTEEN
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM,DARLING ON OUR
ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER

NINETEEN
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

TWENTY
A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Air Tel phone but still hutch network is following
me.

TWENTY ONE
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr after
deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

TWENTY TWO
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket
match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.He wrote "DUE TO RAIN,
NO MATCH"


TWENTY THREE
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted
it....

TWENTY FOUR
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

TWENTY FIVE
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to
you'...........Sardar said 'Okye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT
YEAR.

TWENTY SIX
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.

TWENTY SEVEN
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

TWENTY EIGHT
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge asked:
How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

TWENTY NINE
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is ?
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

THIRTY
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

THIRTY ONE
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for
more..

THIRTY TWO
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in
the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

THIRTY THREE
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

THIRTY FOUR
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping

^ husband and Wife ^

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

----------------------------------------------------------

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I h! ave never
been!"
I told her,"How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

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She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

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Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like miniature
handcuffs....."

--Anonymous
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in
first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!

--Anonymous

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his
attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man
seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man
approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but
this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn
so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."

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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled " It really works ! "

see Todays Kid

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.

While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic !

1. Don't change horses.......until they stop running.

2. Strike while the.............................bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before......Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of............termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but........how?

6. Don't bite the hand that.................looks dirty.

7. No news is..........................................impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a............Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new ............... math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll..............stink in the morning.


11. Love all, trust.............. me.

12. The pen is mightier than the................... pigs.

13. An idle mind is.............the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's ................. pollution.

15. Happy the bride who............gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ......................not much.

17. Two's company, three's .............. the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .......... you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...........you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as ............Stevie Wonder.


21. Children should be seen and not ...............spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed.........get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you.......see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind.... get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one!

25. Better late than.............pregnant.

A smuggler Sardar

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’ ‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.

Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts
them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’
‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad.

‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’


The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’

Appraisal TIME

A MAN WAS SLEEPING IN HIS HOUSE. SUDDENLY YAMARAJ APPEARED & SAID, "GO

OUT & ENJOY. NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS."

HE DID SO & MET WITH AN ACCIDENT & DIED.

ON THE WAY TO HEAVEN IS HELL....SAW YAMARAJ WHISTLING N RELAXING. HE ASKED

YAMRAJ, WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME.

-Scroll down












down















"SORRY SON, Appraisal time, HAD TO ACHIEVE TARGET......

Bollu

Dr. Manish Sinha, a psychotherapist, employed a Bollu painter to paint
his name plate. He instructed Bollu to give ample space between
the words, and left for his clinic.
On his return in the evening, he was astonished at the sight of the
name plate that was hung to his gate. It read,



Dr. Manish Sinha Psycho the rapist

SMSDaily

click here

Newtons law for Engineers

Law -1.

Every Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.

Law -2.

The rate of change in the Work is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate when deadline force is applied.

Law -3.

For every appraisal there is an equal but opposite Work Implementation.

Bonus Law -4.

Mistakes can neither be created nor be removed from drawings by an engineer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of mistakes in the drawing always remains constant.

Imagine @ year 2050

Imagine....



It is 2050 and call centres are opening all
Over the West, as the new economic power India
Out-sources work to the countries where many jobs
Originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to
Adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs
That pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the
World: Rupees. Some of them, eager to land one of the
Customer service jobs from India, are attending
Special training sessions in New York City, led by
Language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler
Name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan .




On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching
Three ambitious students how to communicate with
Indian customers.




Professor: " Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need
To give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you'll be
Known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you'll be
Ranjit. And Jane, you'll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you
Just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?"




Gary: " Name-as-tea ?"




Professor: " I think you mean 'Namaste.' Very good. But
What do you say after that?"




Gary: " How can I help you?"




Professor: " You're on the right track. Anyone else?"




Jane: " How can I be helping you?"




Professor: " Good try! You're using the correct tense,
But it's not quite right. Anyone else?"




Randy: " How I can be helping you ?"




Professor: " Wonderful! Word order is very important.
Okay, let's try some small talk. Give me a comment
That would help you make a connection with your Indian
Customers ."




Randy: " It's really hot, isn't it?"




Professor: " The heat is always a good topic, but you
Haven't phrased it correctly. Try again."




Randy: " It's deadly hot, isn't it?"




Professor: " That's better. But your tag question can
Be greatly improved."




Randy: " It's deadly hot, no?"




Professor: " Wonderful! You can put 'no?' at the end of
Almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?"




Jane: " Yes, we are understanding you, no?"




Professor (smiles): " We may need to review this later.
But let's move on to other things. Have you ever heard
Indians use the word 'yaar'?"




Randy: " Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time.
Just last night, one of them said to me, 'Randy, give
Me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar
Computer."




Professor (laughs): " That's a different 'yaar,' yaar.
The 'yaar' that I'm talking about means friend or
Buddy. You can use it if you've developed a rapport
With a customer. For example, you can say, 'Come on,
Yaar. I am offering you the best deal.' Do you
Understand, Jagadamba?"


Jane: " Yaar, I do."




Professor (smiles): " Okay, let's talk about accents.
If your client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I
Bought for my vife,' how would you respond?"




Randy: " Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be
Wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight."




Professor: " Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a
Bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But
Gaurav, you haven't said anything in a while. Do you
Have any questions about what we've just learned ?"




Gary : " Yes, Professor, I do have one question:
Wouldn't it be simpler to learn Hindi?"

Harry's Dream

Harry was to sleep and started dreaming.......

All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?......and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St.Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.....I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own..."
Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen." Harry replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow........then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said.
"How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Harry said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you're shitting all over the bed!"

Santa-Bants JOkes

What's Ford?

Santa: Gaadi.

What's Oxford?

Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

**********************************************************

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.

Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

************************************************************

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in m! edical college

Banta: What's he studying?

Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

Hasne Ka TIME

Bollu falls in luv with a nurse...

After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."fffffff

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Bollu went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.Guess what did he ask next... Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Bollu went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Bollu: Dusri side tera pyo lagayega kya?

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc


Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc


Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

the Pink eye

This is the season of Conjunctivits. Learn how it spreads and the way to prevent it.

http://www.medicinenet.com/pink_eye/article.htm

Very clever ANTI-Smoking ad..

Leave application

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC.
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me
half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."


10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".


11. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."


12. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Todays City - DalHousie

Dalhousie is built on and around five hills. Located on the western edge of the Dhauladhar mountain range of the Himalayas, it is surrounded by the beautiful scenery of snow-capped peaks. Dalhousie is situated at 6000-9000 feet above sea level. The best time to visit is in the summer, and the peak tourist season is from May to September. Scottish and Victorian architecture is prevalent in the bungalows and churches in the town.

Dalhousie is a gateway to the ancient Chamba Hill State, now Chamba District of the Himachel Pradesh, India. This hill region is a repository of ancient Hindu culture, art, temples, and handicrafts preserved under the longest running single dynasty since the mid-6th century. Chamba is the hub of this culture. Bharmour, the ancient capital of this kingdom, is home to Gaddi and Gujjar tribes and has 84 ancient temples from 7th-10th century AD.



Pangi Valley is remote and highly inaccessible most of the year. It is located between the Pir Panjal and the Greater Himalayan ranges. It is home to Pangwal and Bhot tribes


Rivers Ravi and Chandrabhaga (Chenab) take origin and nourishment from its glaciers. There are several hydroelectric projects and dams being developed. There are several national forest and wildlife sanctuaries including Kalatop-Khaijjar located within its confines. Pilgrimage to Mani Mahesh Temple and Lake is an annual trekking event. Many trekking routes over Dhauladhar and Pir Panjal ranges present a challenge to the serious trekker, while there are ample opportunities for the budding trekker

Health Tips

How young is your brain? Try this self-test from the RealAge doctors.

Stand on one leg and close your eyes. The longer you can stand without losing your balance, the younger your brain is -- 15 seconds is very good if you are 45 or older. Have someone spot you if there's any chance you might not recover your equilibrium in time to avoid a spill.

To help keep your brain young and prevent memory loss, avoid living on autopilot -- doing the same things day after day. If you stretch yourself mentally, you'll actually avoid brain shrinkage. The classic way to do that is to learn something new -- whether it's speaking Spanish or playing the harmonica. Like muscles, your brain grows when it's working beyond its normal routine.

Another way to build your brain is by "testing at your threshold." Let's say you can always do Wednesday's crossword puzzle, but you get barely half of Sunday's answers. The best thing for your brain is to continue taking a whack at Sunday's puzzle. Just as an athlete becomes faster or stronger by training to attain goals that are just out of reach, you can train your brain to stay smarter and sharper.

Zidane Saves Materazzi's Life

Diabetes

There is a new, potential alternative for many of the more than 5 million
Americans who take insulin injections, with the Food and Drug Administration's approval today of the first ever inhaled insulin. Exubera, an inhaled powder form of recombinant human insulin (rDNA) for the treatment of adult patients with type 1 and type 2 diabetes, is the first new insulin delivery option introduced since the discovery of insulin in the 1920s.

"Until today, patients with diabetes who need insulin to manage their disease had only one way to treat their condition," said Dr. Steven Galson, Director, Center for Drug Evaluation and Research, FDA. "It is our hope that the availability of inhaled
insulin will offer patients more options to better control their blood sugars."
Diabetes is a disease that affects the amount of insulin and sugar in your body. Exubera is a human form of insulin and as such, lowers blood sugar concentrations by allowing the blood sugar to be taken up by cells as a source of fuel.

Exubera is a powdered form of insulin that is able to be inhaled into the lungs through the patient's mouth using a specially designed inhaler.

There are two major types of diabetes -- type 1 and type 2. People with type 1 diabetes produce virtually no insulin. In type 2, the most common form of the disease, the body does not produce enough insulin or effectively use insulin. If people with diabetes do not properly control their blood sugar levels, serious complications including heart disease, kidney failure, blindness, and nerve damage may develop.

The safety and efficacy of Exubera have been studied in approximately 2500 adult patients with type 1 and type 2 diabetes. In clinical studies, Exubera reached peak insulin concentration more quickly than some insulins, called regular insulin, administered by an injection. Peak insulin levels were achieved at 49 minutes (range 30 to 90 minutes) with Exubera inhaled insulin compared to 105 minutes (range 60 to 240 minutes) with regular insulin, respectively. In type 1 diabetes, inhaled insulin may be added to longer acting insulins as a replacement for short-acting insulin taken with meals. In type 2 diabetes, inhaled insulin may be used alone, along with oral (non-insulin) pills that control blood sugar, or with longer acting insulins.
Exubera prescriptions will be accompanied by a Medication Guide containing FDA-approved information written especially for patients. Pharmacists are required to distribute Medication Guides with products FDA has determined are important to health, and patient adherence to directions for use is crucial to the product's effectiveness. Patients are advised to read the entire Medication Guide and talk to their healthcare provider if they have further questions. Like any insulin product, low blood sugar is a side effect of Exubera and patients should carefully monitor their blood sugars regularly.

Other side effects associated with Exubera therapy seen in clinical trials included cough, shortness of breath, sore throat, and dry mouth. Exubera is not to be used if you smoke or if you recently quit

smoking (within the last 6 months).
Exubera is not recommended in patients with asthma, bronchitis, or emphysema. Baseline tests for lung function are recommended after the first 6 months of treatment and every year thereafter, even if there are no pulmonary symptoms.
While Exubera has been extensively studied for safety, the sponsor has committed to performing long-term studies to confirm the continued safety of Exubera after it is marketed and to examine more thoroughly the issue of the efficacy and safety of Exubera in patients with underlying lung disease.

Exubera is manufactured by Pfizer Inc., NY, NY.

F ~ A ~ I ~ T ~ H

Story Time -

The Mountain Climber

The story is told about a mountain climber in Argentina. He was desperate to conquer the Aconcagua, the highest mountain in the Western hemisphere. He initiated his climb after years of preparation. He wanted all the glory for himself, so he went up alone. He started climbing and it became later, and later. He did not prepare for camping, but decided to keep climbing.

Soon it grew dark, and night fell with heaviness at a very high altitude. Visibility was zero; everything was black. There was no moon, and the stars were covered by clouds.

As he was climbing a ridge at about 100 meters from the top, he slipped and fell. Falling rapidly, he could only see blotches of darkness pass. He kept falling.

In those anguishing moments, good and bad memories raced through his mind. He thought certainly he would die.

But then he felt a jolt that almost tore him in half. Yes! Like any good mountain climber he had staked himself with a long rope tied to his waist.

In those moments of stillness, suspended in the air he had no other choice but to shout: "Help me God! Help!"

All of a sudden he heard a deep voice from heaven. It asked, "What do you want me to do?"

"Save Me!"

"Do you really think that I can save you?"

"Of course, my God!"

"Then cut the rope that is holding you up."

There was another moment of silence and stillness. The man just held tighter to the rope.

The next day, the rescue team said that they found a frozen mountain climber hanging strongly to a rope...

...two feet off the ground.

A Poetic Resignation

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage

But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The negetives are more,
the positives are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.

Thanks & Regards

Employee

TIRUPATHI

In Hinduism, Tirupathi is the abode of the Hindu God Lord Venkateswara, and is one of the holiest and most visited shrines in Hinduism. The name is also derived from the Tamil language, with Thiru a reference to God, and Pathi meaning Husband. The temple was built by King Thondaman. It is managed by the Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams. It is situated in a hilly region in southern Andhra Pradesh.




It is estimated that more that 50,000 people visit the temple everyday; making almost 19 million people in a year. Traditionally, as a display of piety, in order to reach the temple, devotees walk through the 7 medium sized hills that separate it from the city of Tirumala, a journey of 4 hours. Alternatively, it is possible to drive from Tirumala to Tirupati. The temple is open for more than 22 hours in day, and it usually takes anywhere up to 40 hours from the time one reaches the temple, to get a glimpse of the deity.It is estimated that on an average a devotee gets one and half minute to watch the deity.But still it's not stopping the people from visiting the temple.The rate of visitors to the temple is increasing every year by 2-5%.The major attraction of the temple is the well known peaceful and blissful state one experiences when facing the main idol in the 'Ananda Nilaya',sanctum sanctorium.


It is popular among devotees to offer their hair as sacrifice. They also drop their offerings in the form of money, gold, silver or anything they wish in the holy hundi. According to Hindu mythology, all the offerings to Lord Venkateswara count to repay the loan taken by him from Kubera for his marriage expenses which will be repaid completely by the end of Kaliyuga. Among devotees, it is also believed that the Lord here is Swayambhu, meaning that the statue was naturally formed and the Vimana (roof) of the sanctum sanctorum and the shrine are inseparable.


Interested in knowing more about Tirupathy?
Click on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tirumala_-_Tirupati

Be a Born Software Engineer...

A student was asked to write, 500 times I will not throw paper airplanes in class..
and guess what he did?

Fun with maths

Love Calci

Check your love at :

http://www.lovinghugs.com/love-calculator.php

Calculate your love with your lover just by putting your and his/her name in the love calculator...

Planet Mars

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It

will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.

This will culminate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of

Earth.



Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am . It will look like The

Earth has 2 Moons. Don't Miss it.....



The next time Mars may come this close only in 2287.



NOTE: Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see

It again

light moments

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went upon the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the Driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You Scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."

A JATT WAY OF CALULATION - SIX

Thought for the day

Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle

--
when the sun comes up, you had better be running

Todays city - Panipat

Panipat is a historic as well as an ancient city in the Panipat District in Haryana state, India, The city has a population of 216,000.

Panipat was one of the five cities (prasthas) founded by the Pandava brothers during the times of Mahabharata; its historic name being Paneprastha.

Panipat was the scene of three pivotal battles in Indian history.

The First battle of Panipat was fought in 1526 between Sultan Ibrahim Lodi and Zaheeruddin Babur. The fight was won by twelve thousand soldiers of Babur over one lakh soldiers of Lodhi because of cannons and better organization of force. Babur laid the foundation of Mughal Empire in India.


Grave of Ibrahim Lodhi.The Second battle of Panipat was fought in 1556 between Hemu and Akbar. Hemu fell unconscious when an arrow hit his eye and his army ran away. He was beheaded by Akbar.

The Third battle of Panipat was between Ahmad Shah Abdali and Marathas under Sadashivraobhau, the cousin of Peshwa Nanasaheb, who were protecting the Mughal emperor Shah Alam II. This battle marked the beginning of fall of Mughals and rise of British in India.

Panipat is the city of textiles and carpets. It is also known for its world famous pickle 'Pachranga International'. This city is also famous for its handloom industry. It is also home to many industries such as Indian Oil Co. Ltd. (IOCL) Refinery, NTPC Thermal Power Plant and National Fertilizers Limited. It is the biggest centre for cheap blankets and carpets in India.


Tomb of Bu Ali Shah KalandarThe main places of attraction are the Graves of Ibrahim Lodhi, Kabuli Bagh, Devi Mandir, Kala Amb, Salar Gunj Gate, and Tomb of Bu-Ali Shah Kalandar.

'Kala Amb' is a memorial built in memory of the soldiers who died in the battlefield of panipat. It is said that blood of the died soldiers was mixed with the soil and the fruit of a mango tree became black in color due to that and hence the name "Kala Amb" meaning 'Black Mango'.

Famous Urdu shayar "Maulana Haali" was also born in panipat.

know more about the historical panipat.
http://panipat.nic.in/

Accidents

The City Beautiful

Each day we shall see about some places of interest and learn about them.
A FEAST FOR EYES AND THE BRAIN!

lets start with Chandigarh... (Excerpts taken from wikipedia)

After the partition of South Asia into the two states of India and Pakistan in 1947, Indian Punjab needed a new capital city to replace Lahore, that was now in Pakistan. After several plans to make additions to existing cities were found to be infeasible for various reasons, the decision to construct a new city was taken.

Government is a major employer in Chandigarh with three governments having their base here. A significant percentage of Chandigarh’s population therefore consists of people who are either serving for one of these Governments or have retired from government service. For this reason, Chandigarh is often called a “Pensioners Paradise"

Chandigarh is known for its high literacy rate (97%). The popular schools and colleges in and near Chandigarh include St. John's High School, Carmel Convent School, Sacred Heart Senior Secondary School, St. Stephen's School, St. Xavier's School, Government College for Girls, Government College for Men, DAV College, MCM College, Home Science College for Girls, Guru Gobind Singh College, SD College, Government Teacher Training College (Chandigarh, India) and Govt. Teacher Training College. There are model schools set up by the government in various sectors, originally aimed to cater the needs of each sector. It is a major study hub for students all over Punjab, Haryana and Himachal Pradesh, J&K and students from South-East Asia.

a - round about pic in the city.

flower garden


to know more about Chandigarh, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chandigarh

give your comments to include your place/city of interest/dwelling.

Naughty Kids

How to get rid of Naughty Kids

Cave of the hands

what does this hands signify ? , Learn this more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cueva_de_las_manos

Thought for friday

Whenever you feel like working sincerly,

just sit down,

relax,

take a deep breath until that dangerous feeling goes away !!

ooooooooooops

TOP

Explosion == Success

very oooooold car

is this called the Tight Security?

Fashionable Purse

PigJet Plane

BinLaden's Car

Golf for beginners

21st Century defined: -

Our Communication - Wireless

Our Dress - sleeveless

Our Telephone - Cordless

Our Cooking - Fireless

Our Youth - Jobless

Our Food - Fatless

Our Faith - Godless

Our Labor - Effortless

Our Conduct - Worthless

Our Relation - Loveless

Our Attitude - Careless

Our Feelings - Heartless

Our Politics - Clueless

Our Education - Valueless

Our Arguments - Baseless

Our Boss - Brainless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Much Less ...

Story Time - Royal servant

The King of Kamera in Africa was a proud and stern man, feared by all his subjects.

One day while sitting in his mud palace, surrounded by fawning courtiers and watched by a multitude of people who had come to see him, he was suddenly overcome by a sense of grandeur and loudly declared that he was master of the world and that all men were his servants.

“You are mistaken,” said a frail voice. “All men are servants of one another.”

A deathly silence followed the remark. The blood froze in the veins of the people assembled there. Then the king exploded in anger.

“Who said that!” he demanded, rising from the royal stool. “Who dares suggest that I am a servant!!”

“I do,” said a voice in the crowd, and the people parted to reveal a white-haired old man, leaning heavily on a stout stick.

“Who are you?” asked the king.

“I am Boubakar,” said the man. “We have no water in our village. I have come to ask for a well to be dug there.”

“So you are a beggar!” roared the king, striding down to where the man stood. “Yet you have the temerity to call me a servant!”

“We all serve one another,” said Boubakar, showing no fear, “and I will prove it to you before nightfall.”

“Do that,” said the monarch. “Force me to wait on you. If you can do that I will have not one but three wells dug in your village. But if you fail, you’ll lose your head!”

“In our village,” said the old man, “when we accept a challenge, we touch the person’s feet. Let me touch your feet. Hold my stick.”

The king took the stick and the old man bent down and touched the monarch’s feet.

“Now you may give it back to me,” he said, straightening up. The king gave him back his stick.

“Do you want any more proof?” asked Boubakar.

“Proof?” asked the king, bewildered.

“You held my stick when I asked you to and gave it back to me when I asked you for it,” said the old man. “As I said, all good men are servants of one another.”

The king was so pleased with Boubakar’s wit and daring that he not only had wells dug in his village but also retained him as an adviser.

Good, Better, Best

“ Good, Better, Best,
Never let it rest,
Until the Good is Better
And the Better is Best. ”

have fun

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

Study this small story; hope that makes a BIG change in you.

Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.

He held it up for all to see & asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'

'50gms!' .... '100gms!' .....'125gms' .....The students answered.

'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor, 'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'

'Nothing' the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.

'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'

'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!' ventured another student & all the students laughed.

'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' asked the professor.

'No'

'Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?' The students were puzzled.

'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.

'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.

Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK. Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!' So, as it becomes time for you to leave office today, Remember friend to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! '

Please share this Great bit of message...

"Hands that HELP are better than Lips that PRAY"

You have a bad eyes

able to figure out what this means? if you cant stretch your eyes with your fingers at both corners, u will be able to do that..

do u think you have bad eyes?

Survey!

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure,

In Africa they didn't know what 'food'meant,

In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,

In Europe theydidn't know what 'shortage' meant,

In China they didn't know what'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution'meant,

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
and in

the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

Funny Football Clips

Funny Football Clips
A large collection of football players, and referees, falling over and hitting the ball at each other.

Signature in your E-Mails

Everybody use signatures in
e-mails. Some people just write their name at the bottom of a letter, some like
writing there a lot of info about themselves (I like it and I do it). But
usually it's all just text.

A really nice solution to enhance e-mail message look (if you use HTML e-mail) is using so called
userbars - a new flavour appeared mainly on forums in the last time. It's
graphical stripes usually sized 350*20 pixels which shows user' attitudes.

So I want to recommend you probably the most exhaustive collection of
userbars - Userbars.com. You'll be able to find a userbar
for any theme you wish.

are u Crying?

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!

Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?