Techsupport vs Funny Customers

1)Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

----------------------------------------------------------

2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."

Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

----------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer:: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------
4) Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support:: ?!%#$

----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------
5) Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------
6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer:: "A white one."

----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------
7) Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

----------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------
8) Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."

----------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------
9) Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

----------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------
10) Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."

----------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------
11) Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

----------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------
12) Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

----------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------
13) Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
14) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

----------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
15) Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know whe! n it's ready?"

----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------
16) A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me
the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS.

Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give
you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------

17) Customer care officer: I need a product identification no: right
now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?