Compulsory HIV tests for couples

read the story:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6193507.stm

Rajnikant’s fight scene part of hit French film

A film that its makers say is fast becoming one of the year's box office successes in France has an unlikely Indian connection -- a 100-second fight sequence from one of Tamil superstar Rajnikant's blockbuster hits.


In the romantic comedy Prete-Moi Ta Main (I Do) lead actress Charlotte Gainsbourg is shown watching the Indian star in action on her television, said Etienne Dubaille, an official at Alain Chabat's production house.

"Rajnikant's face and trademark action style are clearly visible in the footage. As part of the dialogue, Gainsbourg says she's watching the cult Indian film Muthu," Dubaille told Reuters via e-mail from Paris.

Prete-Moi Ta Main has had one of the best openings of the year in France and has grossed more than $22 million since its release on Nov 1, Dubaille said.

Indian journalist Faizal Khan, who watched the film during a visit to Paris last month, said he was surprised to see Rajnikant's face "popping up" in the film.

"The footage shown on the television set comes at a crucial moment in the movie," he said.

Producer Chabat, known worldwide for his 2002 hit Asterix & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra, had been on the lookout for a Chinese kung-fu sequence when he chanced upon two Tamil films Anniyan and Muthu.

Chabat felt the fight sequence in Rajnikant's 1995 film was exactly what he wanted and got permission to use the footage from Kavithalayaa Productions, the Chennai-based producers of Muthu.

This is not the first time Muthu has garnered interest abroad. In 1998 it was released as "Oduru Maharaja" (Dancing Maharaja) in Japan and gained Rajnikant a cult following there.

Rajnikant turned 57 on Dec 12 and is gearing up for the release of his latest Tamil film Sivaji early next year.

PM happy over popularity of Rajnikant in Japan

Tokyo: Prime Minister Manmohan Singh on Thursday said he was delighted by the amazing popularity of Tamil superstar Rajnikant's films in Japan, especially Muthu, which was released here as Odori Maharaja (The Dancing Maharaja).


''I am delighted to hear the popularity of Odori Maharaja among young people here. Our children were delighted to see Odori Asimo-the dancing robot!'' Dr Singh said in an address to a joint session of the Diet, the Japanese parliament.


''The friendship between people is the cornerstone of any strategic partnership,'' he stressed.
The Prime Minister said he was told that the number of Indian restaurants in Japan had increased phenomenally.


''I assure you that sushi and tempura are becoming popular in India!'' he added.
He noted that 2007 was the India-Japan Friendship Year and the year of India-Japan Tourism Exchange. He said the two sides also hoped to substantially increase air connectivity between them.

''I invite young and old Japanese to visit India and see for themselves the many splendours of ancient and modern India,' he added.

Stop complaining your job

New Nokia T-Series

Cricket

Ek Paal Ka Jeena



Phir To Hain Jaana



Tohfa Kya Leke Jaayie


Dil Yeh Bataana


Khali Haath Aaye The Hum


Khali Haath Jayenge


Bus Pyar Ke Do Meethen Bol Jhilmilayenge


To Hans Khil Ki Duniya Ko Hain Hasana



Ae Mere Dil Tu Gaye Ja


Ae Aaye Aao Aaye Aa

Dentists may be soon out of history

A new antimicrobial drug may soon put dentists out of their jobs, for it totally eliminates the bacteria that live in plaque and cause tooth decay.
Created by Wenyuan Shi of the University of California, Los Angeles, the anti-microbial drug is safer than traditional antibiotics, for unlike them, it does not kill commensal or "friendly" bacteria and only targets Streptococcus mutans.

According to the New Scientist, Shi created the drug by linking a peptide that specifically targets S. mutans to the active region of Novispirin G10, a broad-spectrum antibiotic that destroys bacterial membranes.

He found that though the compound killed S. mutans grown in liquid or as biofilms, it did not harm other oral streptococci.

read more on :
http://www.rediff.com/news/2006/nov/23dentist.htm

Friendship

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..? they blink together,



they move together, they cry together, they see things together and



they sleep together BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.. that's what's friendship





But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye goes blink and the other remains open........................................





Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships.

Funny Video

w o r k e r

The population of India is 100 crores

1,00,00,00,000

But 19 crores are retired.

-19,00,00,000


That leaves 81 crores do the work.

81,00,00,000


There are 25 crores in school,

- 25,00,00,000
Which leaves 56 crores to do the work.

56,00,00,000


Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Govt,

-22,00,00,000


Leaving 34 crores to do the work.

34,00,00,000


4 crores are in the Armed Forces,

-4,00,00,000


Which leaves 30 crores to do the work.
30,00,00,000


Take away from above total the 20 crores people! work For State Governments (State Government employees officially do not work!)


-20,00,00,000


And that leaves 10 crores to do the work.

10,00,00,000


Total unemployed are 8 crores

-8,00,00,000


And that leaves 2 crores to do the work.

2,00,00,000


At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals,

-1,20,00,000


Leaving 80 lakhs to do the work.

80,00,000


Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute, there are 79,99,998
people in prisons throughout the country.

-79,99,998
That leaves just 2
people to do the work....... 2


You and me!!! And currently YOU are reading mails.

So I am the only person in our country who is working! And that's why India is surviving!!!

Now, please go back and do your! job because, for a change, I want to rest. And I don't want India to suffer because of that! Understand ..! Haa haa

Birth - explained by engineers

One day, a boy, rose in a computer-profession al Info. Tech. family, asks
his Dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
His Dad thinks for a while, sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one
day you would have to find out anyway! "

"Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We entered into a secure folder, where your mother agreed to a download
from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had
used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the Delete button.
Six weeks later, your Mom sent me an instant message saying that her
operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a
self extracting file which had implanted itself in her operating system.
Then, nine months later, a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got
Mail'!"

what word is this?

Try reading this word


mail me the answer. misterraj@gmail.com or ask me if u dont know.

He he ha ha

ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi,use log hanuman bulate the...batao kyon?
kyonki uska naam hanuman tha..

who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
..........sita with ravan

wht did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
…….Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya

A.R. Rahman

Awards and nominations
Rahman has won the following awards:

• National Film Awards (India)

o 1993 - National Film Award for Best Music Direction - Roja
o 1997 - National Film Award for Best Music Direction - Minsaara Kanavu
o 2002 - National Film Award for Best Music Direction - Lagaan
o 2003 - National Film Award for Best Music Direction - Kannathil Muthamittal

• Filmfare Awards (India)

o 1995 - Filmfare Best Music Director Award - Rangeela
o 1998 - Filmfare Best Music Director Award - Dil Se
o 1999 - Filmfare Best Music Director Award - Taal
o 2001 - Filmfare Best Music Director Award - Lagaan
o 2002 - Filmfare Best Music Director Award - Saathiya
o 2002 - Filmfare Best Background Score - The Legend of Bhagat Singh
o 2004 - Filmfare Best Background Score - Swades

• Zee Cine Awards (India)

o 2000 - Zee Cine Award Best Music Director - Taal
o 2002 - Zee Cine Award Best Music Director - Lagaan

• 9 South Indian Filmfare Awards
• 6 Times Tamil Nadu State Film Awards

A.R. Rahman has been nominated for the following awards:

• Laurence Olivier Awards (UK)
o 2003 - Laurence Olivier Theatre Award for Best New Musical - Bombay Dreams

• Dora Mavor Moore Awards (Canada)
o 2006 - General Theatre Division - Outstanding Musical Direction - The Lord of the Rings musical

Sardar Jokes

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.

He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

------------ ---

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.


Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

------------ ---------

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our


engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

------------ --------


Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one

before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

------------ --------- --------- -

2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.


Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

============ ========= ==
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from


his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.


sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.


============ ========= ====
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?


Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi

petrol se start hoti hai.

============ ========= =======


Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?


sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

============ ======
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it

Time to smile

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.

Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs.5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"

"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.

"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"

....

...


...

...



...



...



...



Rajiv answers, "They'll find us!"

Corporate Lessons

Remember all these lessons when you're just started working, while and still working and out of work…


CORPORATE LESSON NO.1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit… and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

CORPORATE LESSON NO.2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, Who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story is: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

CORPORATE LESSON NO.3

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Moral of the story is:-

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Corporate Love letter

Dearest Ms.__________ ,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you. Since the 14th of February(Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of February at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be cont! inuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer..


Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,

SECRETARY

A "sardar" female went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY. The
manager told her, "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."

The enthusiastic sardarni thought for a while and said: "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? , Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."

The Manager fainted.....

Mistake :-)

Santa was writing
the passive voice of

"I made a mistake"

as

"I was made by a mistake"

Diwali wishes (little belated)

Aapko Is Diwali main...

"Chandragupt'... Ki...." Shakti"

"Meerabai".... Ki... "Bhakti.."

"Rajchandra'... Ka.... "Gyan..."

'"Karan...' Ka... "Daan..."'

"Einstein...' Ki... 'Buddhi..".

"Nobel Prize..." Ki... "Siddhi"

"Gandhi "....Ki.... "Ahimsa"

"India...' Ki ...."Parampara"

"Vajpayee..". Ki... "Maryada"

"Nizaam...." Ki.... "Sampatti"

"Michael ....Jordan..." Ki.... "Salary"

"Abdul Kalam..." Ki.... "Vocabulary"

"Bhagat Singh..." Ka... "Deshprem "

"Sweetheart...." Ka.... "Amarprem"

"Microsoft...." Ke... "Share"

"Rupiyon...." Ke.... "Dher"

"Tata..." Ke... "Senses..".

"Ambani..." Ke... "Licenses"

"Birla...." Ka... "Bangla"

"Daler..." Ka... "Bhangra"

" Rajnikanth"... Ki.... "Style"

"Madhuri..". Ki... "Smile"

""Amitabh..."" Ki... "Personality "

"Ratan Tata..." Ki... "Popularity"

"Worldtour..." Ka... "Ticket"

"Tendulkar..." Ka... "Wicket"

"Administrator... "Ke... "Passwords"

"Jokes..." Ke... "Forwards"

"Mercedez.." Ki..." Car"

"Diamond ..."Ka.. "Haar"

Aur... "Logon..." Ka...

"Dher... Saraa ...." pyaar"Prapt Ho..."

Wish you a Happy Diwali

Confession

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asked, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?

"Yes, Father it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"

"I promised I'd never tell."

"Was it Nina Capeli?"

"I'm sorry, Father, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"Father, my lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone, therefore you cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

Drag and Drop

Wirless Technology

Do u have this Talent?

Forg0t something -?

Bewareee

Smile

Hanged

Love letter from Biscuit Mfg

Yesterday was a Good Day . Our meeting was Truly Nice . Though
I was in 50-50 mind to see you, the meeting and the Treat were good.
The Hide and Seek game we had played was really memorable. If I had
not met you, probably my Little Heart would have burst. But this
occasion gave me a great Boost to make me feel like seeing you again
and again. Like a Tiger I will grab you if any! body comes between us.

Yours,
Bourbon

Notice- good one

Who is GOD

There was a young man who went overseas to study for quite a long time. When he returned, he asked his parents to find him a religious scholar or any expert who could answer his 3 Questions.


Finally, his parents were able to find a scholar.
Young man: Who are you? Can you answer my questions?
Scholar: I am one of God willing, I will be able to answer your questions.

Young man: Are you sure? A lot of Professors and experts were not able to answer my questions.
Scholar: I will try my best, with the help of God .


Young Man: I have 3 questions:
1. Does God exist? If so, show me His shape.
2. What is fate?
3. If Devil was created from the fire, why at the end he will be thrown to hell that is also created from fire. It certainly will not hurt him at all, since Devil and the hell were created from fire. Did God not think of it this far?


Suddenly, the Scholar slapped the young man's face very hard. Young Man(feeling pain): Why do you get angry at me?

Scholar: I am not angry. The slap is my answer to your three questions.

Young Man: I really don't understand.
Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?

Young Man: Of course, I felt the pain.
Scholar: So do you believe that pain exists?

Young Man: Yes.
Scholar: Show me the shape of the pain!


Young Man: I cannot.
Scholar: That is my first answer. All of us feel God's existence without being able to see His shape... Last night, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?


Young Man: No.

Scholar: Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me, today?


Young Man: No.
Scholar: That is fate my second answer........ My hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?


Young Man: It is created from flesh.
Scholar: How about your face, what is it created from?
Young Man: Flesh.


Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?


Young Man: In pain.

Scholar: Thats it. this is my third answer, Even though Devil and also the hell were created from the fire, if God wants,God willing , the hell will become a very painful place for devil.

God said: "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you."

If you are not ashamed, pass this message on...only if you believe.

"Yes, I love God .He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.He keeps me going day & night. Without GOD , I am no one. But with GOD , I can do everything. GOD is my strength."

Confidence Trust and Hope

CONFIDENCE: *

Once all village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an Umbrella.... ..that's confidence.. .........

*TRUST:

Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you throw him in the air, he laughs.....because he knows you will catch him........

*HOPE:

* Everynight we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning but still you have plans for the coming day.

KEEP CONFIDENCE; TRUST OTHERS AND NEVER LOSE HOPE

what do u know about Deepavali ?

Deepavali – The Festival of Lights



Deepavali, The festival of lights is celebrated on Amavasya, the 15th day of the dark fortnight of the Hindu month of Ashwin. Each day of the 5 day festival has its own significance with a number of myths, stories and beliefs.

DHANTERAS

The first day is called “DHANTERAS” or “DHANTRAYODASHI”. The word Dhan means wealth. On this day Lakshmi Puja is performed in the evening when tiny diyas are lit, to drive away the shadows of evil spirits. A very interesting story about this day is of the 16 yr. old son of King Hima. As per his horoscope he was to die of a snakebite on the 4th day of his marriage. On that day his young wife did not allow him to sleep. She laid all her ornaments and lots of gold and silver coins in a big heap at the entrance of her husband’s boudoir and lit innumerable lamps all over the place. And she went on telling stories and singing songs. When Yama, the God of Death, arrived there his eyes got blinded by the dazzle of the brilliant lights and he could’nt enter the Prince’s chamber. So he climbed on top of the heap of ornaments and coins and sat there the whole night listening to the melodious songs. In the morning, he quietly went away. Since then the day of Dhanteras came to be known as the day of “Yamadeepdaan” and lamps are kept lit through the night.



NARAK-CHATURDASHI

The second day known as NARAKACHATURDASHI, marks the defeat of the demon Naraka by Lord Krishna and his wife Satyabhama.



The “Puranas” have it that Naraka, son of Bhudevi, acquired immense power from blessings given by Lord Brahma after a severe penance. He soon unleashed a reign of terror in his kingdom. Naraka could not be easily killed as he had a boon that he would face death only at the hands of his mother Bhudevi. Krishna asks his wife Satyabhama, the reincarnation of Bhudevi, to be his charioteer in the battle with Naraka. When Krishna feigns unconciousness after being hit by an arrow of Naraka, Satyabhama takes the bow and aims at Naraka, killing him instantly. The slaying of Naraka by Satyabhama could also be taken to interpret that parents should not hesitate to punish their children when they stray onto the wrong path. The message of Naraka chaturdashi is that the good of society shoud always prevail over one’s own personal bonds.



Krishna , after his victory over Naraka came home early, on the morning of Narakachaturdashi day. The womenfolk massaged scented oil all over his body to wash away the filth. Since then the custom of taking bath of taking bath before sunrise with perfumed “uptan” on this day has become a traditional practice.



LAKSHMI PUJA

The third day of the festival of Diwali is the most important day of Lakshmi-Puja which is entirely devoted to the propitiation of Goddess Lakshmi. It is believed that on this day Goddess Lakshmi would be in her benevolent mood and fulfill the wishes of her devotees. So those who worship Goddess Lakshmi on this day would be bestowed with all the riches.

Also on this very day the Sun enters his second course and passes Libra which is represented by the balance or scale. Hence, this design of Libra is believed to have suggested the balancing of accounts books and their closing. For the business community, Diwali marks the worship of Goddess Lakshmi and also the beginning of the new financial year.

This day is also celebrated as the return of Lord Ram along with Sita & Lakshman, after 14 years of exile and his victory over Ravana. To celebrate his return to ayodhya, his subjects illuminated the kingdom with innumerable twinkling diyas and converted the amavasya night into a bright day.



PADWA

The fourth day is Padwa or Varshapratipada which marks the coronation of King Vikramaditya and Vikram-Samvat was started from this Padwa day. It is also marked as the beginning of the Hindu New Year and as a brand new beginning for all. Govardhan Puja is also performed on this day as Lord Krishna saved his Gokul from Indra’s anger by lifting up the Govardhan Mountain with one finger.

Goddess Lakshmi is worshipped in every Hindu household and her blessings are sought for success and happiness. This day is looked upon as the most auspicious day to start any new venture.



BHAI – DHUJ

The fifth and final day of Diwali is known as “Bhaiyya-Dhuj”. As legend goes Yamraj, the God of Death visited his sister Yami on this day. She put the auspicious tilak on his forehead, garlanded him and fed him with special dishes and both of them ate the sweets, talked and enjoyed. As a parting gift, Yama gave her a special gift. In return Yami also gave him a lovely gift which she had made with her own hands. That day, Yama announced that anyone who receives a tilak from his sister will always prosper. Since then this day is also known by the name “Yama-Dwitiya” and is observed as symbol of love between brothers and sisters.



Thus Diwali projects the rich and glorious past of our country and teaches us to uphold the true values of life.

Things u Never knew that your cellphone can do

THINGS WE NEVER KNEW OUR CELL PHONE COULD DO ...



There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for

survival .. Check out the things that you can do with it:

*I*

* The Emergency Number worldwide for **Mobile** is 112.* If you find

yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an

emergency , dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to

establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112

can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. **Try it out .**

*II*

* Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car? Does you car have remote

keys ?*

This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone:

If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call

someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone.

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person

at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on

their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your

keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away,

and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you

can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: *It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car

over a cell phone!"*

*III*

Subject: Hidden Battery power

Imagine your cell battery is very low , you are expecting an important call

and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve

battery . To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with

this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This

reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

AND

*IV*

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on

your phone:

* # 0 6 #

A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your

handset . Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. when your phone get

stolen , you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They

will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the

SIM card, your phone will be totally useless .

You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever

stole it can't use/sell it either.

If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile

phones .

Be Silent

LJ gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. He has never been on an airplane anywhere and gets excited and tense. As soon as he boards the plane, a Boeing 747, he started jumping in excitement, running from seat to seat and shouting, 'BOEING!BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....'.

The pilot in the cockpit hears the noise and annoyed by what's goings on, he comes out and shouts, 'BE SILENT!'

There's pin-drop silence every where and everybody looks at LJ. He stares at the pilot in silence for a few seconds and then starts shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!!OE...'

Can u beat this RESUME ?

RESUME

EDUCATION /Qualification:

1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Panjab University, Chandigarh,
1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Panjab University, Chandigarh,
1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College, Cambridge,
1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge,
1957; DPhil (Oxford), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India's export competitiveness

OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience:

Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Panjab University, Chandigarh, 1963-65;
Professor, International Trade, Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi, 1969-71;

Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University, New Delhi, 1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi,1996 and Civil
Servant

Working Experience/ POSITIONS:

1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade


1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance



1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India; Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;



Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;



Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD



November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);



Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member, finance, Space Commission


April 1980 - September 15, 1982: Member-secretary, Planning Commission



1980-83: Chairman, India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee



September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985: Governor, Reserve Bank of India.

1982-85: Alternate Governor for India, Board of governors, International Monetary Fund

1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister

1985: President, Indian Economic Association

January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987: Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission

August 1, 1987 - November 10, 1990: Secretary-general and commissioner, south commission, Geneva

December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991: Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs

March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991: Chairman, UGC

June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996: Union finance minister

October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket

June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance

August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce

March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the Opposition, Rajya Sabha

June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance

August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules

Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group

June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee

BOOKS:

India's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth
-Clarendon Press, Oxford University, 1964; also published a large number of
articles in various economic journals.

OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge, 1956

Padma Vibhushan, 1987

Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;

Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994

INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:

1966: Economic Affairs Officer

1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD

1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on International Monetary Reform

1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings

1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting

1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting

1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus



1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna

RECREATION:

Gymkhana Club, New Delhi; Life Member, India International Centre, New Delhi

Name: Dr Manmohan Singh

DOB: September 26, 1932

Place of Birth: Gah (West Punjab)

Father: S. Gurmukh Singh

Mother: Mrs Amrit Kaur

Married on: September 14, 1958

Wife: Mrs Gursharan Kaur

Children: Three daughters

Our Prime Minister is possibly the most qualified PM all over the world.

Pass this to every INDIAN.... and be PROUD to be an INDIAN

Balle Balle

Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.

The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the
air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to
drink from the same one twice."

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to
pieces.

He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we
don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the
Pakistani and Bangladeshi.
He says "In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi that we
don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

Balle balle !!!!

All at work

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your great claws will only destroy it even more"

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken!"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A SUPERVISOR IS FAMOUS, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES. In the context of the working world: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

What girls think about Men ?

1)What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.


2) Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...



3) What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them
forever.



4) If you drop a men and a brick out of a plane,which one would
hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????.. ...



5) What did God say after he created man?
(This ones THE BEST)
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman



6) What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either.



7) What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answers: i) no mind ii) no business



8) What makes men chase women when they have no intention of
marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have
no intention of driving.

Police Man

Little Johnny was sitting on his porch, stirring a bucket of shit.
Along came the mailman and he asked, “What you got there?” To which Little Johnny replied,
“Bucket of shit.” The mailman then asked Little Johnny what he was making, and Little Johnny
said, “A mailman.”
The mailman was appalled by this, and went to tell the fireman. The fireman went to Little Johnny
and asked, "What you got there?" Little Johnny replied, “Bucket of shit.” The fireman asked Little
Johnny what he was making, and Little Johnny said, “A fireman.”
The mailman and the fireman were furious at Little Johnny and went to tell the policeman.
The policeman went to Little Johnny and asked, “What you got there?” To which Little Johnny
once again replied, “Bucket of shit.” The policeman then said, “Let me guess, you're making a
policeman.” Little Johnny said, “No, don't got enough shit!”

jungle rule

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who
looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and
pulled out a pair of Nikes.

His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to
make you run faster than that tiger?"

I don't have to run faster than that tiger, his friend replied. "I just
have to run faster than you".

Ha ha ha

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

Little Johnny shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."

Rule 49(o)

Rule No. 49(O) in the Conduct of Election Rules 1961 says:

"Elector deciding not to vote - If an elector, after his electoral roll number has been duly entered in the register of voters in Form 17 A and has put his signature or thumb impression thereon as required under sub-rule (1) of rule 49L, decided not to record his vote, a remark to this effect shall be made against the said entry in Form 17A by the presiding officer, and the signature or thumb impression of the elector shall be obtained against such remark. "

Explanation:

In other words, a voter can go to the polling station and tell the presiding officer that he/she does not wish to cast her/his vote. The presiding officer will make a remark that the voter does not wish to vote and take the voter's signature against his/her name in the register of voters (Form 17A). At the end of the day, the presiding officer will, in totalling the number of votes cast, also include the number of electors who refused to cast their vote. By doing so, voters make it clear to all political parties that they are not satisfied with the kind of candidates put up by them. Though they have done their duty as citizens by going to the polling station, they have not found anyone on the ballot paper who deserves their vote. This is the Protest Vote.

If large numbers of citizens exercise their franchise in this manner, political parties will be forced to be far more careful in ensuring they do not nominate crooks and criminals or incompetents as their candidates next time round. This in turn will see the emergence of honest and committed candidates getting into Parliament and state legislatures in the long run, thus leading the way to good governance. After the present elections have concluded, the Indian Liberal Group will press for the Protest Vote facility on electronic voting machines the next time round, so that voters have the option to say "None of the Above" after scrutinizing the candidates on the ballot.

The other factor thats involved with this 49(0) section is a scary section for the political parties.
Here's an example. Say there's a candidate standing in City A.
And say out of 100 people only 40 people turn to vote and out of that the Candidate recieves 30 votes. Then by rule, he's been declared as elected. But say, if out of the 100 people 70 turn to vote. and 30 people vote for the candidate and the other 40 people use section 49(0), to say i am not interested in anyof the candidate. Then if, the candidates vote(which the vote he got ie., 30) is less than the vote against him (under section 49(0) - which is 40), then by rule he would not be elected as winner and in turn he would not be able to participate in anymore further elections. And the election for CITY A will be re-held with fresh candidates. Now that sounds great handle for people!!

And i hope that's why many people dont know about section 49(0) and the politicians and the goverment still tries to keep it a hidden secret.

Tips of how to stay young……..

Research has found that people who generally live longer do so partly because of good habits. Here, Dr Vernon Coleman and others provide some of the following good habits for longevity.

1) Laugh & fun, don’t be gloomy
2) Let bygones be bygones. Dwelling on the past inflicts unnecessary stress.
3) Early to bed, early to rise, is healthy & wise
4) Stay lean, being just 30% overweight is bad.
5) Keep learning, reading & socializing – an alert & active mind keeps brain cells healthy.
6) Keep working, doing something you like. Don’t retire, it slows down your body.
7) Be the boss of your own life. Letting others push you around produces stress.
8) Too many pills ruin your body, take just what you need.
9) Constantly alternating between weight gain & loss is bad
10) Exercise, quit smoking and eat less fatty foods
11) Do not worry about health & death, just get on with your life and enjoy it.

P A P P U

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-

IQ test

Check your IQ- test at


Apparently this is an IQ test given to job applicants in Japan
"Everybody has to cross the river"

To play, click the link below, then click the blue circle to start.

The following rules apply:

Only 2 persons on the raft at a time
The father can not stay with any of the daughters, without their mother's presence
The mother can not stay with any of the sons, without their father's presence
The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member,if the Policeman is not there
Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft
To move the people click on them. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.



http://www.robmathiowetz.com/

a good one....

Woman as explained by Engineers !

Finally - An Explanation to woman that makes sense to man

Element - Woman
Symbol - not known
Discoverer - Adam
Atomic mass - Accepted as 55Kg, but known to vary from
45kg to 225kg

Physical properties:
1. Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint
2. Boils at absolutely nothing - freezes for no apparent reason
3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common
ore


Chemical Properties:

1. Reacts well to Gold, platinum and all precious stones
2. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common use :

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car
2. can greatly aid relaxation
3. can be very effective cleaning agent

Hazards:

1. Turns green when places alongside a superor specimen
2. possession of more than one is possible but specimens
must never make eye contact

Puzzle

Puzzles.. Identify the word
It was name of a place, 123456

1234 is a deadly weapon
23 is a sign of particular religion
456 is related to sea.

Crack it..


mail me the answer.. misterraj@gmail.com

(Both) side effect ...

Looking good from both sides....

IT professionals after DEATH

H E I G H T S

1 What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip

2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of Activelaziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

5. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.

7. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

8. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

9. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

10. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder

Lighter moments

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.


Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.


Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone


Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile


Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

Could you give me ......

Could you give me ......

"Hello, could you give me condom?" My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me."

The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he turns to the pharmacist and says:

"You'd better give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says:

"Actually, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she suggested the dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying:

"Dear Lord, bless this dinner."

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."

Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, with his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more so than the others. She gets close to her boyfriend and tells him in his ear:

"I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies: "I didn't know your dad was the pharmacist!"

Funny Head images

Consuming MILK is dangerous

do we need to drink milk..?
http://www.all-creatures.org/health/dontdrink.html

What is B.E?

8 semesters are there
80GB syllabus 80MB we study
80KB we remember
80 Bytes we answer BINARY marks we get,
. . . . . . . .. . The Degree finally we get is B.E. That is Brain Empty (B.E)
(And then they recruit !!)

Jokes for laugh

short form George Bush=George and Condaliza Rice=Condi.)
George & Condi

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get
me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone

Little johnny

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development."

At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, to get up and leave the class room"
Everybody agreed to this plan.
Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anna" Anna: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita!
Yes Koosie!" Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory
My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home"

Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks: "Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home."
Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel"

As all the young ladies get up and proceed to leave,
Little Johnny says, "Hey relax you little whores, it hasnt opened yet."

MOTHER OF THE YEAR

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.
The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.
After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veter inarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans" that could be found quickly, were a litter of weaner pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger
Would they become cubs or pork chops?????????????
Take a look........ you won't believe your eyes!!!!

WEDDING INVITATION OF ELECTRONICS ENGINEER.

You are electronically invited on the marriage occasion of
Mr. TRANSISTOR BC107,
(working as amplifier in "CE" configuration)
With
Miss. DIODE 2N2222,
(working as a rectifier in Electronic Circuits)
The only Daughter of Mr & Mrs. Aluminium and Phosphorous
MUHURTAM April 30, 2K6 @ 10-45 Amplitude Modulation
VENUE At Peizo Electric Palace, Near Wein Bridge, Nyquist criterion Road-2,
Electricity -508085.
Yours inductively
Mr&Mrs. EDC PDC,
Near P-N Junction, IC Road, Zener breakdown.
With BEST COMPLIMENTS FROM,
Inductor, Resistor, Capacitor, Transformer Near & Dear
Note: Musical Night By Motors and Generators
Bus Route: Address bus 0x001h, Data bus 0x07Bh

Cricket quiz

If every player is out on first ball in cricket. I.e. fist batsman
out on first ball ,second batsman out on second ball and so on Which
batsman will remain not out if there 11 players?

mail me the answer . misterraj@gmail.com

The software development cycle:

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 three times.

6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

7. Users find 137 new bugs.

8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

4 - stages in life

Nice one

The Hindu Top 10 Headlines dated 1.1.2020



1. ' President' Sonia and 'Prime Minister' Priyanka receive the italy Prime Minister at the airport.



2. SDMK ( Stalin DMK ) Leader Stalin Seeks Chief Minister Dayanidhi Maran's resignation .



3. This is My last film - Rajnikanth



4. " Maruthanayakam " - Shooting will be started soon - Kamal Hasan



5. I will enter the Indian Team soon - Ganguly



6. Indian Cricket Team hoping to win a away Test Match after 1985 in England Tour on February - Indian Cricket Captain



7. 'God Father " Movie will be released this May



8. Cauvery Issue will be settled soon - Prime Minister of India 'Priyanka'



9. Aishwarya Rai marriage is on coming July with Abishek Bachan Son ' Mubishek '



10. India - Pakistan PMs meeting Scheduled on Jan 25th to settle the Kashmir Issue

silly ad

he following are ads that appeared in a newspaper over a period of four days - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY:
For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!

Programmer and a Engineer

Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an air plane.

The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game.The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.

The Programmer persists and explains that it’s a real easy game. He explains,”I ask a question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.”

Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “O.K., if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don’t know the answer I pay you $50! “

Now, that got the Engineer’s attention, so he agrees to the game.The Programmer asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”Then Engineer doesn’t say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

Now, its the Engineer’s turn. He asks the Programmer,”What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?”

The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, “Well what’s the answer to the question?”

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep

Choosing a lawyer

A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.

At the first lawyer's office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, "Okay, let's get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?"

The lawyer raised his eyebrows. "two plus two is four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, "How much is two plus two?"

The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. "According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The third lawyer sat behind a big mahogany desk, and smoked a cigar. He seemed rather self-important as compared to the other two, but at the same time appeared to be much more successful. The businessman again announced, "I would like you to answer a very important question for me, before I decide whether I should use your services. How much is two plus two?"

The lawyer pulled the shades, locked the door to his office, and asked in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

Girls are lucky

If he is late for class, he told,
"Time and Tide wait for none".
If she is late, then the bus was late.




If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, " Has he escaped from the Zoo?"




If a boy talks with a girl, "I think he is trying for her"
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.




When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her
But when a boy cries, "Come on man! Don't be a girl".




If a girl meets with an accident, then it's the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, "I think you should learn to drive".




If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in the back seat, "Try to respect ladies, man!".




If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, "You've to work hard".
But if a girl gets a big rank,... Still got 33! Reservation.




If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls, he says,there is no class today.




If a girl does not answer during a viva, then atleast 'smile' says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer," better luck next time".

General truth

matrimonials Ad

These are Girls adds taken from metromanial sites ....

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no
Place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!



Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
Reading this mail...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single I don't have male, If any
One whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education
But I working all field in bangalroe.. If u like me u welcome to my heart...
When ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks
Yours Regards Sowmya ~*~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I want very simple boy. From Brahmin educated family from orissa state she
Is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework



(Homework?)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. He may never
Create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can
Run smoothly. Thank you




(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



He should be good looking and should have a service. He Shoulsd have one
Brother and one sister. He should be educated.





(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love
To make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am
Looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than I. Because I love myself
A lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........
Hold
My hand forever !!!





(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow I
Amlooking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot




(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as
In KSBKBT......



(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much,
Ain't he?)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while
Steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast



(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF
GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN
GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH
ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.





(all of us are loughing{laughing})



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom
And he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde
Called the man of the lamp



(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




I love my pat ner I marriage the pat ner ok I search my pat ner and I love the
Pat ner ok thik hai the pat ner has a graduate ok



(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering
From "Ok-syndrome")



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND
1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK



(the "ok syndrome" again)





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother
Sister complity marred



(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Iam very simpel and hanest. I have three sister one brother and parent.
I am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi
Diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.




(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





My name is farhanbegum and I am unmarried. Pleaes you marrige me pleaes



Pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes





(height of desperation! J )




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank
he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think
is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful.
but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a
good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.



bye bye.





(uttama purishinin)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I am kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.



(No comments)





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.





(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good
minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste
accepted ...



(but credit cards not accepted..???)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service




(Zebra..???)





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I'm looking out for who lives in bombay , boy simple who trust me lot should
be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.





(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable



(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a groom.
I wish her best luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one
soon.)





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure.
because boy is the maharaja.




(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying
salary at present.


(Any takers again?)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny Laws on girls

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to
confirm that

2. the nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...

4. "95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would
always be around you...


5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you
know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed to some one
else

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with
you.

8. Theory of relativity......
The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1:
Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her
know
about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from
Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary to rule 1:
The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private
chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a
handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1:
The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before
things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys)

10. the day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be
the day when-
1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3. Have a bad hair day

11. all the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around
with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.

Contradicting quotes

Actions speak louder than words./The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap./ He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work. (or) Two heads are better than one. / Too
many cooks spoil the broth.

A silent man is a wise one. / A man without words is a man without
thoughts.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. / Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Clothes make the man. / Don't judge a book by its cover. (or) All that
glitters is not gold.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. / Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better. / The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. / Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be. / Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them. / Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. / One man's meat is
another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom. / Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come
all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier./ Two's company; three's a crowd.

The best things in life are free. / You get what you pay for.

It never rains, than it pours. / Lightning never strikes twice in the
same place.

Better to ask the way than to go astray. / Ask no questions and hear no
lies.

Never do evil, that good may come of it. / The end justifies the means.

Variety is the spice of life. / Don't change horses in the middle of a
stream.

There is nothing permanent except change. / There is nothing new under
the sun.

Never too old to learn. / You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Everything comes to him who waits. / He who hesitates is lost

lill marry

sunday school

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

The Teacher fainted.

little Johnny

Passing an office building late one night, Little Jhonny saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at Lil' Jhonny.
"What do you want?"

"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Protecting cigarettes in rain.

Lil' Jhonny and his friend are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus.

His friend takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so he takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain.

Lil' Jhonny looks at that and says,
"That's such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?"

"It's a condom," The friend replies.

"Well, where can you buy those?" Lil' Jhonny asks.

"Um... Most people buy them at pharmacies." the friend replies.

So Lil' Jhonny goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter.

"Do you guys sell those condom things?" she asks the pharmacist.

"Why yes we do," the pharmacist says a little confused.
"Do you know what size you need?"

So Lil' Jhonny says,
"Well it's got to fit a Camel."

GOD Exist

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

Barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

Why do you say that?" asked the customer "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbers shop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair & an un trimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barbershop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point!

God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."